My Wife’s Gone Mad

We have dogs. Two large ridgebacks (look it up) and boy are they pampered (apart from sleeping in the house, and getting treats, and being walked once a week….hmmm where’s the number for the RSPCA). However events took a most preposterous turn last week. And I blame my dear wife.

Kari, the biggest and daftest of the two (I’m still talking about the dogs, not the children- do keep up) cut her leg which meant a costly visit to the vet for an xray and associated unguents.

Let me make it clear at this stage in the story that at no stage did I get any veterinary advice to apply any significant aftercare other than a pill a day and check pulse etc. And so we headed home both of us lighter- the dog by half a pint of blood and me by £168.72.

I had to go to the pub to recover. Returning to the house I found the dog in some sort of canine heaven. Wife and children had decided that some severe pampering was in order. Cushions, blanket, the works. Children were draped over the addled hound as if rigor mortis was imminent.

And to top it all… ‘ice pack’ had been applied to the injured leg.  Fair enough I thought. Pampering for one day in the year costs nothing.

To a point. I have now discovered that the mysterious ‘ice pack’ was in fact a selection of ‘whatever was sitting around in the freezer’ .

So … cut a long story short both packets of Birds Eye Finest Petit Pois were used and then discarded (“well we can’t eat them after that” said she). Oh but it gets worse. At the weekend I enquired of the whereabouts of a large bag of very expensive fruit salad which I’d acquired from a farm shop a year earlier.

I think you can guess by now what it was used for….and where it ended up.



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