What We Both Really Thought At The Health Check

“Come in”

(God he looks rough)

“How are you?” 

(Bet he says he’s fine)

“I’m fine”

(Liar)

“This should take around 20 minutes”

(I’m dying for a pee and I’ve got to nip to the Post Office)

“OK”

(Please don’t drop my pants. It’s very cold in here)

“It’s going to be thorough”

(Oh nooooo….she is)

“Just a few questions really”

(….and relax)

“How many units of alcohol do you consume a week?”

(probably 40 looking at those eyes)

“Oh….um…around 25”

(thought so)

“I need to take some blood- roll up your sleeve”

(start to take great interest in picture of Sydney Harbour Bridge on wall)

“It’s just a small prick”

(hang on I thought you weren’t going to ….ah I see)

“I’ll send the results off. The Doctor may want to see you”

(even money certainty)

“Any advice?”

(here goes, draconian lifestyle changes ahoy)

“Look after yourself”

(and a good haircut wouldn’t go amiss)

“Am I going to die young?”

“No”

(Yes)

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