A Dodgy Flange

The 'assembly' stage

The 'assembly' stage

In our house it’s simple. Mrs Vole does the ironing, dusting, hoovering and feeds the children while Vole puts the bins out, cuts the grass and burns everything on the barbecue. The demarcation lines are very straightforward and have remained firmly in place- suiting both parties- since wedding vows were exchanged over 14 years ago.

Assembling flatpack furniture is a task which- according to our tried and tested rules of the house- is not woman’s work. I secretly enjoy it. Lock me in a room with an enormous box; wine; Planet Rock on the radio and I usually emerge four hours later bruised, battered, blistered, dusty and sweaty having built everything from bunkbeds; a playpen; cot and my own particular Everest…a triple wardrobe.

And so following a fit of extravagance which I’m still recovering from the man from Argos arrived earlier in the week with my goodies (well actually this was a replacement lorry the first having been involved in an accident hospitalising both operatives)

They all looked fantastic in the brochure (the furniture not the operatives). A new pine corner desk; a small chest of drawers and a functional office chair. Vole’s HQ was set for a facelift.    

And so to the construction which took the best part of a working day. Let’s get the easy bits out of the way first…. 

Chest of drawers first. Fine. Looks good.

Chair second. Fine. Looks good. Mind you the brand new spring on the back setting almost propelled me into the wall when I – in an early experimental phase which I’d  not advise- tried to reset it.

And so to the pine corner desk.  When I opened the box I immediately suspected they had sent two. I had never seen so many bits of wood. However I checked the instructions which as ever had been translated badly from the Taiwan original. It did take 58 wooden parts (only six of which are pine) to assemble the desk.

Four hours later the job was complete ( see pic below). Well when I say that there were some important looking screws; a metal lever and a mysterious piece of canvas not mentioned in any page in the instructions left over on the floor. They were bundled into the empty box and put in the wheelie bin outside.

I write this from my new desk. It is very smart. But there is a slight wobble. All I need is a small bit of canvas to……oh damn.

The 'thank God its over' stage

The 'thank God its over' stage