Press Pack Swoop On Questing Vole’s Blog-Latest

****STOP PRESS**** Here’s the story from this morning’s Northern Echo.  I’d like to thank the ongoing coverage in all media outlets for raising the profile of Lush Places Media and bringing me the most visitors to my blog in the year it’s been up and running.  Amidst all yesterday’s doom and gloom about Teesside’s vulnerability bouncing back from the recession and other weighty issues it’s comforting to know that some bare arses still grab the regional headlines. Funny old world. Must go, someone’s at the door. No it couldn’t be…..could it?


In recent days the Vole’s daytime snooze has been disrupted by phone calls from various seekers of the truth wanting to know more about an obscure blog entry written by me in the Spring. I’m sure regular readers will recall the unexpected arrival of a troupe of burlesque dancers at the house as they took a break from dance rehearsals at the village hall over the road. The scantily clad ‘cowgirls’  wanted to have some publicity photos taken with one of our menagerie (the horse, not our leopard gecko) surprising not only family members but the two fellas building our garden fence.

And so the months slipped by and the incident became a distant memory. Until now. So how does a five month old story written on a personal blog turn up in the Teesdale Mercury, our local weekly newspaper, and probably tomorrow’s Northern Echo- the biggest selling regional newspaper in the North East.

It’s a convoluted tale but stick with it. A fortnight ago the village held its annual Hoppings. I contributed by filming the event and posting the end result on You Tube  and the village website. A hot shot hack from the Mercury spotted the video, clicked on my company website alongside the video and started reading the blog which is linked to my site. Now I’ll leave it to you to decide why, of all the myriad categories to select from, he chose ‘burlesque’ and not perhaps ‘middle aged despair’….

I got a call, the story was verified, and his take on events duly appeared in this week’s edition (on Page 3!!) under the racy headline ‘Photoshoot Surprise Leaves Villagers Blushing’. (Thankfully I was not quoted as ‘gorgeous pouting Andy, 23, from Hamsterley’). When it actually happened was a detail which did not feature. Which I guess is fine. Look through most tabloids of a morning and you’ll find when and where stories happen is only mentioned in the final paragraph- if at all.

The reaction- not a lot to be honest. The kids got a bit of ribbing at school and that’s been about it. Until today- when the heavyweights rang. The Echo were interested.  Did I want to be photographed? (er, no) Did I know where I could find the girls now? (regretfully not). And so I went through it all again. Expect more of the same tomorrow. I hope it’s on page three again.

I’m currently considering offers to appear on Lorraine and as Piers Morgan’s first guest on his new CNN show. Perhaps they’ll also invite our horse on. He’s got an agent now. 

There is, possibly, a wider and more serious point to all this- how amateur ‘citizen’ blogging and hyperlocal nonsense such as mine plays a part in modern newspaper content gathering. Are we crazy loons sitting in our spare room in our underpants (frequently yes) or do we play an increasingly important role as newsrooms cut staffing and reavaluate ways of working in a truly social media world where audience and reporter now enjoy real-time collaborative engagement and debate.  I have just written an MA dissertation on this very subject. All 16,403 words available on request.    

One final thought, I wonder if the IT security people at the Mercury and Echo will soon be alerted by repeated newsroom computer search requests including ‘horse’ and ‘burlesque’ . Try it, it’s an education.


You Couldn’t Make It Up

What happened when a group of semi-naked burlesque dancers knocked on a house door asking to have their photograph taken with a horse?

This is not the opening line of a joke or a cheap attempt to boost hits by luring perverts to the blog.  It really happened. And it really happened to us last week.

As I was away working on the day in question what follows has been relayed by my breathless and sweaty 13 year old son who’s frankly not been the same since the incident. And of course my wife saw it all. What a waste.

It all started with a short but effective Facebook message which my son posted. It read : ‘Result! A strip club just came 2 our door askin if they can have some fotos in our field! Get In’

The impact was instant. A mix of incredulity and extreme disappointment that I was 100 miles away running a training course where, to be honest, any semi naked person would have lightened the day. And for an active recovering diabetic where all the enjoyment has been drained out of my life it was almost as upsetting as not being able to eat BK double whoppers any more.

And speaking of double whoppers, back to the burlesque act.

So this is what happened. We live over the road from the village hall which is available for hire. It caters for the usual groups- bridge; keep fit;  art; parish council meetings and the annual panto. It’s very nice and  I suspect value for money. Most crucially for this particular story it is out of the way and off the beaten track.

What may have appeared on the village hall booking sheet as ‘dance rehearsals’ turned out to be something slightly more provocative and revealing…literally.

So the entourage- rehearsing for a revue tour of Europe- rolled up at the house with an unusual request. My son, halfway through a bowl of Frosties was lucky enough to meet them at the door. He was confronted by several attractive young ladies dressed as ‘cowgirls’ accompanied by two effete men for which showbiz was always going to be a calling. When I say dressed I mean all the key areas were covered, but only just. Could they have their photographs taken with a horse for their brochure?

Yes, he replied breathlessly before heading up to his room and locking the door. The wife was called to the door who looked them up and down before agreeing.

They seemed respectable from the front but following the group down to the stables she then spotted a key collective wardrobe malfunction. They were wearing riding chaps but nowt else baring their cheeks to the world….and to two astonished tradesmen building a fence in the garden. My youngest son (11) also helpfully pointed this out. “They’ve forgotten to put their pants on Mum”.

The photographs were duly taken and the grateful entourage departed. Our brush with the glittering world of showbusiness was over.

I’m now back at home. As I write this I’m looking over at the village hall from the window. Sadly no cowgirls….just the regular art class. Perhaps it’s just as well. I’m in a fragile food deprived state. But I’m going to prepare the potting shed just in case they want a shot of me with my dibber. 

So when you find yourself in a ropey nightclub in Cyprus this summer and are entertained by a burlesque troupe dressed as gardeners with peek a boo dungarees and smelling of pony manure you’ll know where the act was fine tuned.